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Should Ex's Brother Be Invited to Wedding?
April 14, 2009Bride-To-Be Worries About Past Invading Wedding
Dear DoubleTake,
My fiance and I just got engaged. We have both been married previously, and we both have children from our previous marriages.
When we first got together his ex gave us a real hard time. It has been very hard for me to forgive and forget.
My fiance wants to invite his ex brother-in-law to our wedding. He says that he has been his friend for a long time and that he would really like him to be there.
I am not in agreement with this but want to make him happy.
I feel that we do not need to bring our past into our future. I think that if his ex brother-in-law does attend the wedding, he is just going to be there to wish us bad. What should I do?
BETTY SAYS:
Think of it this way: To snub your fiance's ex brother-in-law and longtime friend would jumpstart even more bad feelings among the ex's family.
Your fiance has children. That means his ex and her family will be part of your lives for the long haul. If your fiance thinks it's appropriate to invite his ex brother-in-law, do so as a gesture of goodwill. It can't hurt in terms of keeping the peace in the years to come.
And if his ex brother-in-law does have bad feelings about your marriage, he probably won't show up to the wedding -- and then it'll all be a moot point.
EDDIE SAYS:
Think of it this way: Do you want to be held accountable for every obnoxious thing a member of your family does to someone else? Then why should your man's friend be treated that way?
Defining the guy just by his sister doesn't give him a fair shake, and it doesn't show a lot of trust in your guy's judgment.
The fantasy wedding has a blushing, innocent woman marrying a promising young man, with everyone celebrating all the hope and possibility in their new lives.
But really works differently for most people. You make a good example. You each have other marriages, kids -- big pasts that remain a big part of your life today. You can banish that in general, nor should you when you get married.
You have to learn how to make peace with the past, and giving someone the benefit of the doubt here marks a good way to start.
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